Feathers and Firearms Pesterlog 1

--gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]--
GG: hey bro its me dave
TT: Hey, man. What’s up?
GG: well apart from not being dead im stuck on an island with a crazy ass chick and her dead grandpa and her dog
GG: this is her pesterchum account so keep it pg bro
TT: When am I ever not as innocent as a 90-year old virgin?
GG: yeah whatever
GG: you wanna know what happened
TT: Yeah, sure.
TT: Lay it on me.
GG: for starters i lost my katana and believe me i am super pissed about that
GG: also your jacket is fucked up but it probably saved my worthless life from pneumonia and also getting stabbed so dont worry it died a noble death
GG: ill bury it for you if you want but i dunno
GG: jades mangy mutt might dig it up again it is made of leather after all
TT: I would appreciate the thought if I weren’t 99% sure you were being completely ironic.
GG: ninety nine
TT: Adjusted for possible margin of error.
GG: if i didnt know better id swear you were a robot sometimes
TT: No way, man. I can dance way better than any robot you care to name.
GG: okay im not even gonna bother arguing with that
GG: anyway the deal is that i didnt make it past the cape because this big motherfucker of a storm came and was taking a big huge dump on me
GG: i swear it was like a fucking hurricane out there
GG: like old man noah was dumping his boots out
GG: if his boots were full of rocks that is
TT: Get to the point, Dave.
GG: shut up do you want me to tell the story or not
GG: this girl jade has this weird tower house that she like set on fire or something so i could see there was an island
GG: she helped me land and all and thats pretty much the whole story
GG: except now my wings feel like shit
GG: i mean my whole back and shoulders and everything are like BOOM WERE ON FIRE
TT: Well, you know what to do. Put some of the apple juice stuff on them and then get the girl to give you a massage or something.
GG: well yeah but i cant let some random girl in on ancient strider secrets
TT: I got the apple juice recipe from 4chan when you were seven.
GG: ok what i really meant was that she carries around a rifle and thinks her dog can teleport theres no way im trusting her with my wings
TT: You had best be getting off this island soon, man.
GG: youre telling me
GG: i dunno how long its gonna be though
TT: I would estimate about a week, tops. Take it slow, because you don’t want to injure yourself more.
TT: At least nobody else will find you there.
GG: true that
GG: but i might go shithive maggots crazy
TT: You were getting cabin fever like hell when you were here, remember?
TT: I think a change of scenery is probably going to do you some good, as long as you don’t convince Jade that you need to be locked up.
GG: dont tell me about it
TT: I wasn’t planning on it.
TT: Have you checked all your feathers yet?
GG: hell no i just woke up
GG: had a sandwich and took a trip to the john and that was about it
TT: Don’t tell me about it.
GG: wasnt planning on it
TT: Touché.
GG: you know i cant check my own secondary coverts anyway without like six fucking mirrors
TT: You have a perfectly good girl lying around. Just get her to do it for you.
TT: You’re also going to want to preen them to make sure there are no rocks and crap stuck in there.
GG: my god bro theyre my wings i know how to take care of them by now
TT: And how many times have you actually used them before? Oh, about three.
TT: And how many of those times was in a storm?
TT: Exactly zero point oh oh.
TT: So don’t come whining to me when you get an ingrown feather.
GG: fuck you thats baby shit
GG: i hope you get bird flu
TT: Wow, calm the fuck down. I’m just trying to help you out.
GG: sorry
GG: its like leftover cabin fever
GG: i guess a brush with death makes a man loose his cool and all
TT: I can’t lose my cool. I was born with it.
GG: lose his irony then
TT: I was born with that, too.
GG: sure you were
TT: It’s canon.
TT: For the record, I’m really glad you’re okay, big man.
TT: Stay safe on that crazy island of yours, and keep me posted. I want to know when my best bro is coming home.
GG: you got it
GG: also you might wanna clean all the feathers out of my room in case they come looking for you too
TT: Can I throw out your shitty photographs?
GG: oh hell no
GG: if you touch my turntables my laptop or really any of my stuff i will slice up all your damn puppets and i mean it this time
TT: Speaking of which, L’il Cal says he misses you too.
GG: i bet he does
TT: He’s waving hi. Does this computer have a webcam?
GG: no it does not and it will not have one ever or until you stop being weird as all hell
TT: No, man, I’m just being ironic.
TT: As usual.
GG: oh shit i gotta go now
GG: jades dog is about to try and make friends again by which i mean hes gonna slobber all over me
TT: Have fun with that.
GG: dont think i will but thanks
TT: I’ll talk to you later.
GG: bye
--[GG] ceased pestering [TT]--